Inside the Strong Dads Program: Building Better Fathers Across Oklahoma

As I sat down to start writing this article about the Strong Dads program, my mind was flooded with so many thoughts of what I wanted to express. The more I thought about it, the more my mind was drawn to the stack of surveys on my desk, testimonies, comments from moms, children and grandparents alike. “My son is a different man,” one grandparent said. “Thanks for helping my daddy” rang out from a little child. “This class helped save my marriage, we talk for hours now,” exclaimed one mom, and “I wish I would have taken this class sooner,” one graduating dad humbly stated. Then I picked up self-reflection essays written by students after a lecture we presented on campus. “My dad and I were close; he was a great dad, but after hearing this lecture I realize how much work it takes to be a great dad.”

That student was 100% correct. It takes a lot of work to be a great dad, and when we bring life into this world it does not come with an instruction manual. In fact, when you look at the grand scheme of things they require foster parents to go through many hours of classes to learn how to be good parents. Does anyone recall getting any books on being a parent from the hospital? I don’t.

For decades now the role of the dad has diminished as society has pushed some dads out the door or tried to reconstruct the role and meaning of a father figure. The government has often incentivized the role of moms to parent alone without dad present. For decades, most child-rearing instruction was geared toward the role of mom and how mom could survive raising kids. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful they had that as I grew up in a home with just my single mom, sisters and a younger brother. However, I often think what life would have been like to have a male role model early on.

I’m sure that question has been asked many times by many people. We know this because studies have shown that when fathers are more involved in their children’s lives some of the following things happen: They often get better grades in school, are more likely to go to college or trade school. They are more accepted by their peers, have more confidence and demonstrate better self-control; they are less likely to be involved in delinquent behaviors and significantly less likely to be incarcerated. Mental health rates are better; they are less likely to get involved with drugs and have lower rates of pregnancy in cases of daughters. Most of all, their children experience the benefits that last a lifetime.

Recognizing the benefits that fathers play in the lives of their children, Governor Stitt and the Department of Human Services hosted a Fathers Forward Summit at the Governor’s Mansion on June 14, 2023, to promote initiatives setting the framework to champion programs aimed at the father’s role across the state. Oklahoma State University took the lead and set up nine OSU county extension offices with English and Bilingual Spanish coordinators to help administer the Strong Dads program. Kay County is at the tip of the spear, and three Kay County residents: Cathy Denning, Eric Garza and Edgar Dominguez are Field Program Coordinators. I serve as the State Program Coordinator out of the campus in Stillwater. Together we have been out in the communities hosting 12-week workshops for a year and a half.

To fully understand what the Strong Dads program is, you must first know what it is not. Strong Dads is not a program for, or about, being a bad father and trying to fix someone. Bottom-line bad dads do not take workshops to better themselves or to help others. Nor is it a lose weight and get fit quick plan. The Strong Dads program is about dads who want to be the best dad possible. It’s about dads who want to make a difference in themselves, the lives of their kids and support other dads around them. It is about adding tools to your tool belt. Strong Dads’ philosophy is—Strong Dads build Strong Families; Strong Families build Strong Communities.

Strong Dads utilizes the 24/7 Dad curriculum produced by the National Fatherhood Initiative. This research-based material has been used since 1991 and has been proven to be the perfect program for dads. Each session is two hours long and there are 12 sessions. “Dads come in and enjoy a light meal, engage in great discussion and earn a $10 gas card for each session attended and receive a $25 Walmart card for every survey they complete,” states Denning, who has been the Kay County Coordinator since the program’s inception. Denning, a former grief counselor, is amazed by the growth she sees in each dad and believes that it starts with each dad recognizing they can only change themselves.

One Strong Dad graduate Eric Garza was so impressed with the program when the opportunity arose, he jumped at the program coordinator position in Payne County. “The program is structured very well, and you look forward to how each week builds on the last.” says Garza. The program is balanced on five key pillars that are the bedrock of the program. The pillars are built to enhance one’s morals, beliefs and values. Dads learn how to promote those for their children, co-parents and community.

The first pillar, is Self-Awareness, recognizing how your feelings, moods, emotions, and capabilities play into your behavior and your personal growth depends on it. It also shows how the choices you make and the responsibility that you take affects your chances to be with your children. It also enforces that masculinity is a good thing and is needed in society and is a key characteristic of being a Strong Dad.

The second pillar is caring for yourself. Why is it important to get those annual physicals to eat right, exercise and learn about the world you live in so you can live a prosperous life? So that you can look forward to walking your daughter down the aisle, see your kids graduate and so forth. Keeping your mind fresh and learning about your community, choosing friends that will support healthy and good choices, and most importantly, modeling it for your children.

The sessions then move into the next two pillars, fathering skills and parenting skills. Why is it important for you to be a part of their lives, help them with school, cook them meals, tuck them into bed? Why should you know who their teachers are and attend parent-teacher conferences? Who are your children’s friends? Being present and intentional, supporting your kids in sports and other activities down to simply teaching them how to fish. Do you support their physical, emotional, intellectual and social skills, with the bottom line being time equals love?

The last pillar is relationship skills, building a healthy relationship with the children, the wife and mother of your children and other family members. The strong dad will know and value how relationships shape their children’s lives. Dads learn how to properly manage a good work- life balance and how to communicate with everyone. Knowing how to communicate with others is a key tool used in the workshop, as each one is discussion-based.

So far statewide over 1,600 dads have graduated from the Strong Dads program. In some communities, the dads have formed Alumni groups to keep in touch, support one another and assist where needed in their community. Participants come from all social and economic backgrounds. “Multiple cultural communities have been reached with this program—Marshallese, Afghan Refugees, Ugandans and some dads from Antigua,” stated Edgar Dominquez, the Spanish Bilingual Coordinator for Kay County. Dominquez is looking forward to growing the Hispanic Strong Dads program (Papa’s Fuertes) in Kay County as well.

If you are interested in attending a Strong Dad workshop in English or Spanish or if you would like to host an information workshop in your church or other areas, please reach out to the Kay County OSU Extension Office at 580-362-3194. You can go online to strongdads.okstate.edu and read more about Strong Dads. There is a Register Now button available and a coordinator will reach out to you. If you would like Strong Dads to be a part of your community event or speak at your civic organization, we are more than willing to share the amazing progress we are making.

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